You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
