I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
