dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
