I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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