We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
