Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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