it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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