Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
bring money and cleavage
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
