Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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