I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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