the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
