Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who died my cat blue again?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
