3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
