wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
