he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
