hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
