I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
