Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
