in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i will never coherently bang her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
