Got a toothbrush?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
