Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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