Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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