turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
