Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
