My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
