He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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