Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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