There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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