What a fucking waste of an outfit
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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