You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
