my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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