can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
