I could have mohawked her pubes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
