Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my shit smells like andre
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
