Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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