Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
