She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
