Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
