i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
