and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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