I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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