I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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