i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
