I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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