I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
