I puked a lego.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
