I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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