wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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