I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
not ubering you a puppy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
