So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
