drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
